Dear diary,
That tiny piece of paper sits on my nightstand and I can feel it burning holes into my conscience. It’s not like I don’t want to talk to them, more like I wouldn’t know what to say. I don’t think I’ve had a proper conversation with my parents…ever. I’ve decided to keep my visit under wraps from the rest of my family. I know how excited Deepa and Sunil would be, but I can’t set them up for disappointment. Reconnecting with my parents was altruistic on my end, and for the most part, I can feel the guilty pangs that used to run down my nerves start to subside. The thing is, though, is that I don’t know how to navigate our relationship. Do I pick things up where we left off? Anger and deceit, demanding a proper apology? Or do I attempt the impossible and try to start completely afresh. I don’t know if I’m civil enough for that. Not that I can think about this- what with all the rumination, but I got a promotion. I suspect that it’s Luca’s plan to get closer to me, but he’s cute and intelligent, and if his attraction means me working my way up the ladder, then honestly, I’m all for it. Regardless of his power in determining my position, I know, that even without him, that I deserve this promotion more than anything. It’s times like these where I think of 16-year-old me acting as second assistant to my first boss in the very same office. I’d never worked a day in my life, and yet, that one fell right into my lap.For the longest time, my work was solely a way to make ends meet. Every day, inching closer to being able to pay that bill, being able to cover rent. I was catapulted into the real world at such a young age that I never really had the opportunity to figure out what kind of person I am. To me, work had always been an obligation, never pleasurable. My father’s frown lines and glasses of whisky were etched into my memory and served as a reminder that an occupation is something that is done solemnly and somewhat begrudgingly. Passion doesn’t exist in the professional world. It’s only now that I realise that enjoyment can coexist with professionalism. I may be starting a new chapter with my parents, but it doesn’t mean I have to keep thinking like them.Anika.
